How to survive breakups with your African boos, baes, and boyfriends
In the past five years I’ve had my share of breakups and farewells. No matter who initiates the break up; if you shared something deep with that person it is bound to hurt. Some breakups hurt more than others but they all hurt. In the immediate aftermaths of a breakup you are going to need a post break up survival strategy. I’ve developed what I believe to be full proof get-over-boo quick and move on with your life tips that any African woman can use. Sisters you must be strong, you must be disciplined, and you must remember all is fair in love and war. Your post breakup survival starts right now!
Note: This may not apply if you’re going through a divorce, that one na different matter altogether.
Tip 1: Operation Cease Communication
The hardest part of the breakup is the habit of communication (or the end of it). You guys used to talk every single day. And if you’re going to get over him you need to stop talking to this dude. He is not your friend. He is the enemy. You won’t succeed with this operation immediately but you have to START. Block him on your Whatsapp every night before you go to sleep. This way if he reaches out to you at night you won’t even know, nor will you feel compelled to respond in the morning.
Delete his phone number all together (I hope you ain’t memorized it). Block him across all social media channels. The chances of him reaching out may or may not be slim but what you need to do is to neutralize the power of the exchange. You can’t control what he does but you can stop yourself from initiating the chain of communication.
If you’re anything like me then the exchanges that you’ll be saying goodbye to include Whatsapps like these:
Morning Boo Whatsapp love quotes that you got from Pinterest
Hey look at this cute outfit I wanna buy what do you think?
Photo of every meal you ate
The midday day shot of you booty or a video of you dancing in your matching bra and panties to a song you composed just for him called “I love my boyfriend”
Gossip about what your mutual friends are posting on social media
Pictures of places you will be traveling together
Cute photos of the two of you together
Tip 2: Find something funny to watch
Idle minds will wander to sadness and make you want to cry. Yes cry if you must but also try to distract yourself from the sadness. Whenever I end a relationship I turn to watching hours of stand up comedy on Youtube. Watch Eddie Murphy, Bernie Mac, Katt Williams, anybody that’s just going to make you laugh uselessly is your friend. If bedtime is your hardest make sure you spend you day streaming them (if you live in a bandwidth handicap country...ahem Sierra Leone). Laughter releases endorphins, a chemical in your brain that diminishes pain and makes you feel positive. Watching comedy therefore doesn’t just distract you from your woes, it also helps to heal.
Tip 3: Mentally reframe your ex in your mind
No one is perfect. Thank God! You may have not realised it when you were in a relationship with your boo-cum-ex but he has some pretty bad habits, and questionable values. What I do after a breakup is to remove what ever blindness love had previously imposed from my eyes to reassess this human being with whom I had once happily exchanged fluids. I ask deep probing and yes even superficial questions.
Was he truly thoughtful and considerate? What was important to me that he did not value? Is he really even that cute? Does he even really truly honestly meet your ideal guy or did you just manage him for the time being because of your generosity? Answer all of the above with NOT AT ALL! FOOLISH IDOIT! I WAS JUST MANAGING HIM! NEVER AGAIN!
Think of all the bad things he did when you were together, anytime you think of him make sure you bring those thoughts to the fore. I like to secretly call this the demonize him phase but I don’t want to scare you. HA!
Tip 4: Delete photos & videos on your phone (whatsapp media archives too), computer, and social media
I don’t care how cute y’all looked together in photos and videos but you have to let that go. This is a great Sunday or Saturday morning, day, and night activity. Depending on the length of your relationship this could take you several days. The reason why you need to make room in your memory drive is that you need to also mentally create space for new memories.
You can not keep pictures of a man who is not a correct guy (see Tip 3). Furthermore the trickster god of boredom could strike at any moment leaving you at the mercy of good times gone by and never to return. Don’t look at his photos. Don’t dwell on the past. I mean you need to make space on your phone. Delete all of them, one by one or you can select all add them to a folder and delete all at once. #BoyBye
Tip 5. Create a new dream
When you’re in love you’re inspired to dream. You meet a man, and fall in love and you will start planning a future together. There are the places you will visit, the children you will have (you’ve named them too, I suppose), and the growing old you will do together. You know, you were going to love each other forever #Ibelongtoyou type tings.
When the relationship ends, the hardest part is letting go of that dream.
What now? Who is going to love you now? Will I love someone else? Is this it doomed to be alone forever?
I want you to imagine your life before your boo-cum-ex….
Take a minute. I'll wait.
Right. You had a life. A full life (if you didn’t then start living).
Not only will someone love you again and again, you will love again as well. In order for this to be so however, you have to believe in a new dream.
Dream of new love, a new man, a new future. Believe in the possibility of love, and it will find you. It doesn’t happen overnight. It is a process but little by little no matter how old you are, where you are in life, if you stay open and continue to dream of new love it will happen.