If you had bad luck with relationships in 2017, I had it worse
No matter how bad you had it with the opposite sex this year I want you to know, I had it worse than you. Before you say no no I had it worse please allow me to explain then tell me how you could possibly surpass the rubbish that was my love life this 2017.
This year I learned that when it comes to the opposite sex, I just do not know a thing. While I trade in openness and honesty the men that find their way into my life do not.
I’ve spent much of my adult life trying not to believe that men suck but as we close 2017 I have to say that I have no faith in men. All of them are wizards, mastering in lies and story telling. And no one can prove me differently.
Maybe it’s that I continue to believe that love repeats. And no matter what my situation or experience I always stay open for love. A man pours out their soul (or I believe that they are) and boom I’m gone. I am a sucker for honesty and it’s my thing.
Maybe there is something about that, that attracts the kind of men who say they’ll be there but then they are not. Maybe there is something about that that makes men over commit, and make promises they never intend to keep, like I love you and wanna be with you. All lies.
The men who find their way into my life say they love me deeply but oh ya lies. If it’s easy they want me, but if there is any obstacle at all, they flee. What kind of a Love is that anyway? Is that even love? No! No! No!
I met a beautiful man this year. Soooo beautiful, his beauty was only surpassed by his ability to lie. He told me he was separated from his fiancé and had been for 11 months. Not one, two, or three, ELEVEN! I asked him why and he explained. Plenty story about how he was miserable blah blah. He is done, it is over. His words not mine.
We had a real connection. He said he couldn’t wait to start our lives together (no to me talk am oh, na im). And you know what happened?
One day out of the blue he calls to say oh he has to move back in with his wife (yes he didn’t use fiancé as he once did, now he says his wife) because he didn’t want to lose their house. I was like dude what are you talking about? How do you only know or decide this after you have brought yourself into my life? He told me to be patient, but how, and why? What is there to be patient about with that kind of man? Why didn’t you know you didn’t want to loose your house when we met? I just set him loose right there and then.
When I met I told him plainly what my past experience had been and how afraid I was about new relationships. I told him the one thing that I couldn’t stand was a man who wasn’t who they said they were. Blah, blah explain, explain, he wants in, I’m the kind of woman he has spent a lifetime dreaming of so he said. Blah blah blah so so lie lie.
Another one, a Ivy Leaguer from Ghana living between there me the US. He was a casual friend who randomly one day (after I guess he saw a post on Facebook) reaches out to say he really cares for me and that he wants us to be more than friends. I’m like well I hadn't really thought about it but I guess I could maybe open up to the possibility.
I didn’t know if I could like him like that but again I’m open and I liked him as a friend so I decided to entertain his attempt to be more.
He starts to call every single day. Checks on me multiple times a day. I go to the US to the same state where he lives because that’s where my people stay at. Before I get there he tells me he is beside himself with excitement about all the quality time we are going to spend together.
Check this though, he doesn’t make any plans at all. Comes over once for 3 hours then complains about how he wants to spend time with me but flakes out every time I plan something. He however keeps suggesting I come over to his house.
When I don’t go to dude’s house after repeated attempts to Netflix and Chill, he completely disappears. Never texts or calls ever again. Dude is a ghost. If not for social media I would have thought he died. Who spends two months talking to a woman when all you want is N&C? Why waste your time? Her time? I swear I do not understand at all. He is another one I was clear with about what I wanted etc but oh ya so so lie lie.
The grand finale though has to go to the most recent one. He is the icing on the shit cake that has been my love life for this year and perhaps my whole life. This is as bad as it gets.
He told me we can no longer see each other but he can’t say why and he is sorry. That my friends is the entirety of the break up, all parts of it, beginning, middle, and end. This isn’t someone I met at a bar or a random unknown. This is someone I think I know and thought I knew. This is someone who has invested in a relationship with me in more than one way. The honest truth is I’ve been in a state of shock and numb for almost 2 weeks. I think I’m still in shock. I don’t have any words.
You know when you’re talking and someone punches you in the throat? Or running at full speed someone puts their foot in your path and trips you? Yup that’s what it felt like. Like I fell face flat on the ground in the middle of rain season, every where so so pohtohpohtoh (mud), most especially my heart. That is why after this I am removing my heart from the matter completely. No thank you!
What makes this all ever so frustrating is that I don’t chase after men. The men who come and then flee from my life come voluntarily. They bring themselves. They opt in knowing all it is and who I am and yet they still come. They already know what they’re signing up for and what’s on offer. It’s not like I don’t ask them 21 questions either; are you sure? Is this for you? Can you do this or that? And they always say yes overwhelmingly. This naturally lets me believe that they are coming in with eyes wide open and they want what’s on offer.
This is something that I hate to say out loud and put out into the universe but I’m just going to say it here. I am unlucky with men, and I don’t get them.
If you’ve been following me and paying attention thinking I know what I’m doing when it comes to relationships please be warned. I know nothing. I do not speak their language. I do not understand men.
All I can say is protect yourself and your heart.
What I’m leaving behind in 2017 is men who say they love me. Any man who says he loves me I am walking right out the door. No thank you. Keep your love I beg. Let us just be watching each other face to face. Love noh mix again. Heart noh mix. I’m done.