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Dating in #Ghana: Why I let her steal my man

Dating in #Ghana: Why I let her steal my man

 

As I left the supermarket today a man I know asked me why I let another woman steal my man. Its the kind of question that naturally stopped me in my tracks. I have never ever subscribed to the belief that one could steal a man. He however was certain that if I had "fought" for this man that he would still be mine. 

"You guys had such a good thing. I saw you guys and I know you had something. You were like his rib.  It was like a marriage already. You should have fought for him. You just let that girl steal him. How do you get closure from the hurt? I'm sure she looked at what you guys had, saw how he was treating you and said, I want what they have. She stole him."

Kofi said he was still mad about the breakup. (Mind you this all happened over 3 years ago)

I didn't let her steal my man. My man left. Whether it was as Kofi said that she set a trap for him, lured him, seduced him, or juju'd him, the bottom line is he left. She didn't steal him. The man clearly made his calculations and decided that what we had was not important enough to preserve.

When he cheated, however spur of the moment it was, whatever tongues her booty spoke to him in chale he wanted to go. He did what he wanted to.

If he had weaknesses and was lured by them that just means that that woman knew him well. 

Kofi said that my approach is not the way a Kumasi girl would have done it. That my "I don't fight for a man" approach is how we do it over there. Here in Africa its not how things are done. He said when someone "an evil spirit" as he put it is coming near your man you have to fight. He said women are supposed to sense these things. I told Kofi that the one time I did meet her, that I told my ex that the same woman had a thing for him.

He said "YOU SEE! I KNEW IT! YOU SHOULD HAVE FOUGHT HER! (I don't think he meant physical by the way). I listened amused because man fighting is not my style. 

The only way I know how to keep a man is to be my complete self. If in being myself that is not enough to "keep him" then we weren't meant to be. 

"You should have fought for him!" Kofi exclaimed again and again. He said he knew the girl and he is sure many people know how she is too. I told him I had heard some things but it was not my place nor did it matter. If she set a trap and she caught something then she is deserving. 

Why would I want to fight for a man who cheated on me, lied about it and tried to cover it up? If not for the pregnancy that came almost immediately after, no way I would have even known that the marriage that followed was a shotgun wedding. No way would I have known that the breakup was because of the pregnancy. And once I knew everything made sense and I was like,  "Ah seen! Well played". LOL. 

Never once did I blame the other woman (now his wife). Which one be her own with me? The only person who did wrong in the whole affair was the man. He cheated. And to be honest thank God because who wants to be with a man who cannot keep it in his pants? Good Riddance joh! 

We need to stop carrying around unnecessary hate and bitterness against the women who follow us in relationships. Whether our relationships end because of them or not. The woman who "steals" your man is doing what is in her own best interest. The man who leaves you for another woman no matter how deep the betrayal is clearly also doing what is best for him. Had the relationship been worth preserving he wouldn't leave. 

My man wasn't stolen. He went after bigger buttocks. When he entered he did not use protection so pregnancy came. His family said no oh you must marry her (and good on them for it). He broke up with me and married his new boo. I became ex boo. They went on to live happily and I too went on to live happily. Though I told Kofi I doubt they're happy. HA. The End. 

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